Dydara's Blog

June 18, 2010

Coping with Grief, Break up, Loss and Support for grieving

Filed under: Uncategorized — dydara @ 6:29 pm

 “Once you have loved, you will always love. For what’s in your mind may escape but what’s in your heart will remain forever.”

Never get tired of doing little things for others. Sometimes, those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts.

“You still think that he or she is perfect. All this is false. If you can’t free yourself from this illusion, you will never have any new life.” 

broken heart

In order to become immortal, Sun Wukong are struck by lightning strike and fire. For me to realize how to enjoy life I went through broken heart period. It took me 3 years to realize that. I was a sad man for a few years because of that, no matter what I did, I was not happy. And when I’ve started to enjoy my old life I feel I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I have felt pretty awesome after reading many articles, writing several topics and hanging out with my friends. These things made me started to enjoy my old life. I just realized that there are so many wonderful things for me to enjoy. Life is filled with Pretty Things, enjoy them! Time heals all pain. It takes darkness to know the value of light. If you get only happiness then you don’t feel its value, do you?

From my experience I can tell you this “Every time I was with my ex-lover, in that moment it was as if we became one person.  I had the most incredible time with her, I really had.  The day that I was with her it’s like the greatest day of my life! Best feeling in the world! I am sure that is my ultimate pleasure. I’m proud of that.” A great relationship is when you feel completely at home with another person. You can talk to them about anything and you don’t need to always be kissing them to feel happy and where you can be more yourself. You can see your future through him or her. It’s comfortable to be around your lover. They bring out the best in you, and make you a better person.

Not a day goes by I don’t think about two people and two journeys! The two people are my ex-lover and the girl of my dreams. And the journeys are SSEAYP and peace boat, the journey in my dreams. The ex-lover and SSEAYP are the past which cannot come back but you know, in life, the first act, always exciting. The girl of my dreams and the journey in my dreams are just the dreams. But these dreams give me smile and hope! 

This is my sad story, it is just an old story. Now I feel really awesome and enjoy my old life.🙂 I’m a glass-half-full kind of guy. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.I am of a cheerful disposition and also a resilient man – I won’t be unhappy for long. Just give me a couple of days and I can get over almost anything.


Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.

move on

value hap

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting them back together.” ~ Unknown. 
“Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.”

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♥បងនៅរង់ចាំអូនពីព្រោះបេះដូងរបស់បងបានដិតដាមនៅរូបអូនទៅហើយបងសង្ឃឹមថារូបអូនក៏ដូចជាព្រះអាទិត្យដែលលិចទៅហើយនឹងរះឡើងវិញ♥ You leave footprints and a hole in my heart and unable to erase you from my life. I hope you are like the sun, which is setting today, it will also rise tomorrow.★ I had the most incredible time with you. I really had. I’m proud of that!🙂

This topic is dedicated to my loved one. Thank you so much for everything that you have done for me. It is my honor to know you. You’re one of the best gifts that ever happened to my life. I had the most incredible time with my ex-gf. I really had. I’m proud of that.🙂 I loveyou very much, probably more than anybody could love another person.

Love is like heaven but hurts like hell.

These things are hurtful, so handle it carefully!

I was a broken heart man who needs mending. Recently I have felt pretty awesome after reading many articles, writting serveral topics and hanging out with my friends.These things made me started to enjoy my old life. I just realized that there are so many wonderful things for me to enjoy. Life is filled with Pretty Things, enjoy them! Time heals all pain.  09 November 2010

Do you know what love is?
It’s a kind of feeling. Lovers would share the same thought, and miss each other. Share sorrow and Happiness, and Keep the others in mind. That’s love
.


Although I am a happy man I still have some problems. I think everybody has a 100 problems. I don’t know that, like you are not supposed to solve them all, because the simple truth of it, it is not a problem if you think it is a problem it makes you have a problem.

The thing I♥love♥about writing a blog is that it allows me to talk to many people I will never personally meet.
I had a passion to add value to what people have taught me and energized me to write. I am not trying to be pathetic here. I feel awesome when I am writing something from my sweet memories. I’m rather fond of writing. I actually regard it as fun.


I think this topic is the second most important topic out of all the topics I’ve written, because it is about my sweet and sad moments of  my life with my ex lover and I will always carry her in my heart and remembering will bring her close to me again. Cheers.

When I have decided to do something, I put my all into it. It’s a valuable piece of work for me, the time and thought I spent to write it. My hope is that this grief story, after the many hours that I’ve put into it, will inspire me to have peace in my heart.

This Topic contains all types of information which I received from searching on the Internet, reading books, watching movies, listening songs, learning from my friends, relatives, my point of view and what I’ve learned, heard, seen, done, and experienced etc.

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view.”

When I listen to any song I Think About You, every Song Reminds Me Of Some Sweet Memory…They Remind Me Of Those Moments We Spent Together…

From the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul♥

I don’t want to hold it in. I would like to talk about it and smile at

the good memories; she is and will always live in my heart. Almost

everything that happened to me I like to think of something to

make me happy. For example; Learn to view everything as a

worthwhile experience, I enjoy every aspect of life. The special

phrases I use is “When you are happy, you live a day. When you are

not, you still live one day. Why don’t we make that day a happy

day!” Or When I encounter difficulties in my life I’ll always think of

this special phrase “no matter how hard it is that time will pass, it is

not every day I see or feel it, it is not a problem if you think it is a

problem it makes you have a problem. In others words, It is not the end of

the world. That helps.

But for my loved one case it doesn’t work.

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” In my life, I have known many feelings from the most painful to the most incredible time, from shameful to proud moments.  I am 27 years old. I do not wish to be any other age because my life at 13 was nowhere as exciting and enjoyable as my life at 27.Why at this age I feel like I have enjoyed my life enough!

No matter what happenslife still goes on. It’s the magic of risking everything for a dream nobody sees but you. You must take life as it comes. Sometimes hope is all you have got.

HappyYou have no idea what I am capable of! You know who you’re dealing with. About to let you know heheeheehee🙂 just kidding. I just act tough and that’s how I got through everything🙂

Sometimes, I feel so alone and confused. I am feeling unsettled.  I shouldn’t! I have all the friends I need and my family. I just hang out a lot and drink alcohol. My past or my memories with her is affecting my life.

I am a real understanding person, I can understand every one else. I can figure how they think and why they think the way they do. But I can’t understand myself. No matter how hard I try. On the outside I seem fine. I laugh and joke and have fun. But there’s always a war inside my head. Wondering why am I so lonely why am I so dissatisfied with life.  Life to me is just so utterly pointless. Dont get me wrong i’m not suicidal.  I still try to accomplish what I want to accomplish. But I just can’t help. I mean I have everything I could want! i nice house, good friends, and no real worries. Theres this a sense of loneliness that wont leave. Many people call me nice person I guess I am. I see no reason to be mean nor do I want to. Even if I get a GF I feel alone so I just stopped dating. i feel like they can’t give me what my ex-gf give. The only time i feel truly happy is when i’m helping other people. I find nothing more pleasant then helping people. Another thing is I hate routines. they make me feel like there is nothing to look forward too since I do the same thing. I also constantly Think on worldly issues and philosophical ideas.

From what I have told you related to my ex-gf, it is not surprising that I have suffered some form of psychological trauma from all this.

I Can’t Believe Myself that I am an optimist who has too much optimism in almost anything when it comes to grief of relationship breakup, I cannot overcome it. I can get enough of everything, but I cannot get enough of you.

Unbelievable! WTF!

Love is so funny. Isn’t it?

It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it.

No one can hurt my feeling unless I let them or deserve it.
រឹង សូមអោយ រឹងប៉ឹង មិនមែន រឹងរូស បើ ទន់ សូមអោយ ទន់ភ្លន់ មិនមែន ទន់ជ្រាយ។  
អស់កម្លាំងចិត្ដ នាំអោយអស់សង្ឃឹម នាំអោយអស់ភាពតស៊ូ!

I wanted to send you all my love but the postman said it was too big !

Once, I trust, I love.. and once I love, I sacrifice..and once I sacrifice, I risk.. but once I risk, I ended up being hurt.. BADLY~! ♥ ♥ ♥

I miss you so much, here around me, so many people, but yet so alone.

Don’t make assumptions based on outward appearances. I may look fine on the outside, while inside I am suffering.

No one is superman or superwoman.

My life may never feel the same.

Everyone cannot succeed in everything they do, but just keep trying.

Failing does not mean the end of everything. You should keep your

self-belief, find out your weak point and improve it. Failing to achieve is

not a failure, but losing your hope and motivation is a true failure. What

I am saying here is not teaching you. I am not qualified to teach

anyone, but I just want to share some ideas with you guys, audiences.

Why, in my picture, do I look so happy? I’m not too happy at the moment so I came up with the idea to write this topic. It might help, but I found it best to write out my feelings and my pain. It also helps to go through the memories I have, think of the fun times I shared with her. It is not easy to get over it.
People try to get me to replace that person, but there’s a hole in my heart. That can never be replaced. I tried but it doesn’t work, they were not sweet as her. The bottom line is that none of them made me feel the love that she did. The first thing is the ACCEPT that this happened.

What will help is trying not to replace that hole, but to appreciate what I have been taught and had memories by that person. To honor her is the greatest gift I can give back.

Even we broke up she still consider me as her best friend.

You have been the best friend in the world to me.

At first I think Time is a healer. After many years I broke up with my girlfriend. I think I can move on but when I feel bored or unhappy my ex girlfriend always come up in my mind makes me miss her so much it hurts badly, I’m getting worse. I like being around people but sometimes, I feel so Alone In a Crowded. I feel that life is empty or meaningless and I feel tired, fatigued and exhausted. I also cannot find true contentment in life. Without you I am incomplete. After that my happy time is temporary. But sometimes I think at least I can know how it feels to have a broken heart.  My friends know me as a happy person in the outside but actually I’m still a broken heart person. I only have one girlfriend in my memory. She gave me a moment to remember. She has done many good things for me. Thank you so much. xoxo

Never mind people that don’t understand. They will once when they go through the same thing.

I am not mad at someone who doesn’t understand this, either, because I can’t expect them to understand when they haven’t been in the situation. Just pray about it and let the healing process begin.

One love………………….

You are like the sunshine so warm, you are like sugar, so sweet… you are like you… and that’s the reason why I love you!

You must be a good runner because you are always running in my mind, you must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart and I am a bad shooter because I miss you always…

Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for. So wait for me, I’ll be right back.


Usually, I like being around people. Sometimes, I am one of those people who can be very lonely if a loved one is away, or I can relish the time alone in the peace and quiet. It really depends upon the circumstances, as in exactly how long I am going to be alone and why. I do not equate being alone with loneliness. Sometimes, it is very nice to spend time alone; while other times, it is boring.

I have a hard time with lies and liars, and I think that it’s because of my nature to trust too easily and too quickly. As a result of this, I frequently find myself encountering people who lie as easily as they breathe. I find this to be a deplorable trait as what is the point in trying to have a relationship of any kind if it is not based on truths that are shared? Too many people in this world get by on facades which they hide behind, never letting anyone see beyond the persona they have created.

Losing someone or something you love is very painful. After a significant loss, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt.  Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never let up. While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, they are normal reactions to loss. Accepting them as part of the grieving process and allowing yourself to feel what you feel is necessary for healing.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve — but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. You can get through it! Grief that is expressed and experienced has a potential for healing that eventually can strengthen and enrich life.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. But any loss can cause grief, including:

  • A relationship breakup
  • Loss of health
  • Losing a job
  • Loss of financial stability
  • Death of a pet
  • Loss of a cherished dream
  • A loved one’s serious illness
  • Loss of a friendship

My Case is A relationship breakup.

Grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace.

The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief. For example, you might experience grief after moving away from home, graduating from college, changing jobs, selling your family home, or retiring from a career you loved.

Everyone grieves differently

Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

Myths and Facts About Grief

MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.

Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.

Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

MYTH: Grief should last about a year.

Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.

Coping with grief and loss tip 1: Get support

The single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of other people. Even if you aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re grieving. Sharing your loss makes the burden of grief easier to carry. Wherever the support comes from, accept it and do not grieve alone. Connecting to others will help you heal.

Finding support after a loss

  • Turn to friends and family members – Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need – whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.

  • Draw comfort from your faith – If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you – such as praying, meditating, or going to church – can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.

  • Join a support group – Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.

  • Talk to a therapist or grief counselor – If your grief feels like too much to bear, call a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.

How to support a grieving personHow to support a grieving person

If someone you care about has suffered a loss, you can help them heal by asking about their feelings, spending time just being with them, and listening when they want to talk.

Coping with grief and loss tip 2: Take care of yourself

When you’re grieving, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.

  • Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your grief, but you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.

  • Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Write about your loss in a journal. If you’ve lost a loved one, write a letter saying the things you never got to say; make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person’s life; or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to him or her.

  • Look after your physical health. The mind and body are connected. When you feel good physically, you’ll also feel better emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don’t use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.

  • Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.

  • Plan ahead for grief “triggers”. Anniversaries, holidays, and milestones can reawaken memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. If you’re sharing a holiday or lifecycle event with other relatives, talk to them ahead of time about their expectations and agree on strategies to honor the person you loved.

When grief doesn’t go away

It’s normal to feel sad, numb, or angry following a loss. But as time passes, these emotions should become less intense as you accept the loss and start to move forward. If you aren’t feeling better over time, or your grief is getting worse, it may be a sign that your grief has developed into a more serious problem, such as complicated grief or major depression.

Complicated grief

The sadness of losing someone you love never goes away completely, but it shouldn’t remain center stage. If the pain of the loss is so constant and severe that it keeps you from resuming your life, you may be suffering from a condition known as complicated grief. Complicated grief is like being stuck in an intense state of mourning. You may have trouble accepting the death long after it has occurred or be so preoccupied with the person who died that it disrupts your daily routine and undermines your other relationships.

Symptoms of complicated grief include:

  • Intense longing and yearning for the deceased
  • Intrusive thoughts or images of your loved one
  • Denial of the death or sense of disbelief
  • Imagining that your loved one is alive
  • Searching for the person in familiar places
  • Avoiding things that remind you of your loved one
  • Extreme anger or bitterness over the loss
  • Feeling that life is empty or meaningless

Almost all of my pictures I look so happy, but sometimes I am not happy too. Recently I feel so stressful and I got headache. I am not feel peace inside my head.  I’m Not Supposed to Feel like This. I feel I don’t enjoy my old life the way I used to enjoy it. (No offence to you, readers) WTF is wrong with me? Why? Even I drink alcohol to get high but I am still unhappy😦 that’s called Life.

Before, when I got drunk and sad about love I drove very fast, without realizing the value of life. One life is connected to many hearts.When you have a problem or lose your life, it can damage the heart of your friend, loved one, relative and especially your parents.  ហេងដែរឆ្លងផុត!!! Now is no more. Don’t copy my bad habit!!!

I want to be the little cup, from which you drink your tea. And everytime you take a drink, you would be kissing me! heheehehehe🙂

I always say the words take care of yourself to my friends. I just realized that words mean be careful, don’t get into trouble, take a good care of myself. It basically means to eat healthy, and live healthily so I don’ t get sick from neglecting my needs or health. And also the obvious things like not to do anything potentially dangerous. I used to drink alcohol a lot and I could not sleep at regular time and I thought I am a man, it was ok. Right now I know it is not about proving myself a man, it is about take a good care of myself. If I am not take care of my health, I will hurt myself. From now on I will take a good care of myself.

It took the understanding and comforting from family and friends to help me over it. I went through a lot of grief. I hope I will have peace in my heart. My favorite saying is “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!” Be thankful for all your memories, hold them near and dear to my heart and so will my lover be.  I STILL have times when it seems as though it happened yesterday. Time heals all pain.

That’s the feeling of human nature in me missing someone that is one of the most special to me. I hope I can find true contentment in life.

Life is always full of ups and downs. We should not feel depressed when things are not going our way. Instead we should motivate ourselves to overcome the hurdle and enjoy life.
When all’s well with the world, we should not be overjoyed. Everything is temporary, life is always changing. I used to be overjoyed and now may be I am too much grieved.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched and whose have touched yours are always a part of you,

It is really hard to get over something like that. All I can do is taking it one day at a time. It’s healthy to grieve but not to take it too far. It will take time. Sometimes I like to think that she is just a sweet dream. That helps. It doesn’t means I just forget about her and act like she never existed. Wish me luck and I’ll be ok. Chin up and smile. It’s a new day. That person was part of my life and it will leave a hole in my heart forever. It will hurt for a long time. It affected every aspect of my life. But I learn to live with the pain and accept it.

When I feel bored or unhappy she will come up in my mind. I don’t know why?


Coping with a Breakup or Divorce

MOVING ON AFTER A RELATIONSHIP ENDS

It’s never easy when a marriage or other significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split – and whether or not you wanted it – the breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. But there are things you can do to get through this difficult time. Even in the midst of the sadness and stress of a divorce or breakup, you have an opportunity to learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.

Supporting a Grieving Person

HELPING OTHERS THROUGH GRIEF, LOSS, AND BEREAVEMENT

It can be tough to know what to say or do when someone you care about is grieving. It’s common to feel helpless, awkward, or unsure. You may be afraid of intruding, saying the wrong thing, or making the person feel even worse. Or maybe you feel there’s little you can do to make things better.

While you can’t take away the pain of the loss, you can provide much-needed comfort and support. There are many ways to help a grieving friend or family member, starting with letting the person know you care.

Be the one who takes the initiative

There are many practical ways you can help a grieving person. You can offer to:

Shop for groceries or other type of food

Help with funeral arrangements

Stay in their home to take phone

calls and receive guests

Take care of housework, such as cleaning or laundry

Watch their children or pick them up from school

Drive them wherever they need to go

Look after their pets

Go with them to a support group meeting

Accompany them on a walk

Take them to lunch or a movie

Share an enjoyable activity (game, puzzle, art project)

Let myself grieve and know that it’s normal to feel the way I feel. It does get a little less painful.

Before, I didn’t know how it feels to lose a loved one until it happened.

I’m still trying to convince myself I don’t think of her too much. I hope she is happy now.

I also like to think of all the good things about her. To get over it, so I find something to do but it still doesn’t work.

It is good to grieve, but don’t let that take control. Time is the best medicine.

I must give myself time that I need to get over it.

I don’t give up living because my loved one wouldn’t want that for me.

Moving on is easier said than done.

I’ve stopped having fun and I am not sure I know how to anymore. So, what I need to find out is can I get back to the place where we really enjoy each other. Can we get back to the place, being in love?

I’m hurting. I would love for my girl to come back. But we know that’s not gonna happen.

I will always carry her in my heart and remembering will bring her close to me again. Cheers.

Thank you so much for reading my story.

I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care.

To my loved one, I love you with all my ♥heart♥

Thank you for being always there for me !!!

2 Comments

    • Thanks man for your sharing here.

      Comment by dydara — June 21, 2010 @ 9:27 am


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